This story really started last winter.
Before Lunar New Year, Xiao Na’s boss handed out food gifts to employees. Among them were four mysterious cuts of beef—mysterious because nobody could really tell what part they came from.
A few days ago, Xiao Na tried cooking them. One piece was scorched, another turned out tough. She gave up on the remaining two and tossed the problem over to Lao Bi.
He thought about turning them into braised beef with baby potatoes. But that plan died quickly: the beef had actually gone bad. And since Xiao Na wasn’t especially interested in the dish anyway, the whole thing was abandoned.
Then last weekend, maybe because she remembered that failed beef episode, she decided to order a chili sauce instead.
Use half a jin of red chilies and half a jin of green chilies. How spicy that part is depends on you.
Then add a handful of bird’s eye chilies. That part is no longer up to you.
Throw everything into a blender and pulse until broken down. Just chop them up—don’t turn them into a puree.
Slice half an onion.
Take two or three heads of garlic and mash them into a paste.
Mince a small piece of ginger.
Heat about half a jin of oil in a wok over low to medium heat.
First, fry the onion until fragrant.
Keep stirring constantly so nothing burns on the bottom.
Add four bay leaves and a few star anise pods, and fry again until aromatic.
Keep stirring constantly so nothing burns on the bottom.
Then add several stalks of cilantro and fry until dry and fragrant.
Keep stirring constantly so nothing burns on the bottom.
Once the onion and cilantro are dehydrated, fish out all those aromatics.
Use the same oil to slowly cook the garlic paste and minced ginger until they turn golden.
Keep stirring constantly so nothing burns on the bottom.
Now add the chopped chilies and continue cooking them down.
Once the chilies go in, a lot of white steam will rise up—that’s just the moisture inside the peppers evaporating.
Keep stirring constantly so nothing burns on the bottom.
When the oil comes back to a boil, add some medium-coarse chili flakes, about 50 grams or roughly a handful.
After that, add 200 grams of doubanjiang.
Keep stirring constantly so nothing burns on the bottom.
Keep cooking until the oil clearly rises to the top and separates from the sauce.
Then add two spoonfuls of oyster sauce, a handful of crushed peanuts, and a small handful of toasted sesame seeds.
Keep stirring constantly so nothing burns on the bottom.
Season with one spoonful of salt, one spoonful of MSG, and one large spoonful of sugar.
Keep stirring constantly so nothing burns on the bottom.
Finally, turn off the heat and, while the mixture is still very hot, pour in some baijiu.
About half a can’s worth.
Keep stirring constantly so nothing burns on the bottom.
Stir until it stops bubbling. Let it cool a little, then bottle it.
Feel the flames.
Warning. Seriously, warning.
Do not let this touch your skin—especially your fingers, your eyes, and, well... there, when you go to the bathroom.
Lao Bi only skipped gloves while washing the wok and dishes, and his hands burned for a full 24 hours. Even after that, they were still swollen.
In the end, though, it was a complete success. Xiao Na loved it.